Product Description
Millions of women each year find themselves in relationships with controlling or abusive partners and don't know what to do, or even what's wrong. A woman may feel anxious, inadequate, intimidated -- and as if she is walking on tiptoe. And she may find herself trying harder and harder to make things right without ever being successful. Ann Jones and Susan Schechter bring together their more than fifteen years of experience working with women in abusive relationships to offer an eyeopening new analysis of controlling partners and a wealth of empowering information for women who want to change their lives for the better. Full of moving first-person stories, When Love Goes Wrong shows women what their options are in or out of the relationship, provides concrete guidance on finding safety and support for themselves and their children, and includes a comprehensive list of agencies offering information or assistance.

CUSTOMER REVIEWS (Average Customer Rating: 4.5 based on 15 reviews)

Above and beyond many of the other books on the topic

I have a small library of books on emotional/verbal abuse and its impact is an hourly concern in my life. This book offered me more and better clarity about just what my partner is doing, with a checklist tool, so I can better assess his manipulations and prepare to deal with them proactively. I also gained wisdom about my inability to reach him with my input, a years-old problem, as clearly the abuser doesn't respect or value the abusee's ideas/thoughts/wishes. While sounding obvious, this idea wasn't clear until I read it in this book. Now I can stop trying to "help" US and help ME.
I would also recommend this to anyone coming from a family of origin in which these irrational behaviors were common, not only those with verbal abuse in significant-other relationships. The book is a godsend!
January 03, 2009

Very Helpful

This book helped me to identify the fact that I was being abused by my boyfriend. It also helped give me the strength and courage to leave. I highly recommend this book.
September 13, 2007

An uncommonly thorough and easy to use guide

I went to the bookstore tonight to find a book to help answer the question: What do you do when you have been close to a truly brilliant, good, & decent person, and they communicate to you in clear terms they will be happier if you go away and stop interacting with them? You see, I grew with a single parent. I lived with the parent who was left by my other parent. The trouble was, both of my parents were brilliant, good & decent people. Both of them were strong willed. One of them decided they would be happier if they had very little to do with the other. It would have been easier, or understandable if the person who abandoned the other had been a lousy person, but they weren't. So if anybody has a book that helps a person cope with that issue, please email me and let me know.

Like many children in that circumstance, my solution was to concede that I couldn't take one side (See Spielberg's Catch Me If You Can). Children tend to have the naivete, intelligence, and/or resolve to learn to love both. But that did not solve their direct relations, and I'm still trying to improve their rapport.

So while I couldn't find a book that helped address my question, I did find this good book near the "Dealing with Grief, Divorce, & Loss" section: When Love Goes Wrong. I recommend it to anyone who is dealing with a dysfunctional relationship, whether personally or with a friend. It does an uncommonly thorough job of helping an untrained person identify the abusive or controlling aspects of their primary relationships.

This book is not just for abused women. It can help any person identify the controlling behaviors in themselves and others. Recognizing those habits is useful to anyone. It includes extensive checklists that offer practical analysis of behavior patterns and motivations. The advice given appears to be educated & experienced. It also attempts to deal with misconceptions & myths. While it is far easier to identify the controlling behaviors in others, this book is exceptional because it helps us see them in ourselves.

It is an easy book to scan and find what you might be interested in. It is organized and labeled exceptionally well.

This book is not filled with cliches. It understands that abusive habits are just part of the person. This book does not assume that abusive relationships should break up. The first emphasis in the book is: Can the people change the abusive or controlling parts of themselves or not? And how do you encourage and enable those changes?

The book does not deal well with one large, practical question for the couples it targets: How do the couples use non-abusive and non-controlling techniques to still negotiate solutions that meet more of both of their interests? Finding good answers to that vital question will need to be found in other books. But don't let that keep you from scanning this book, because this book still focuses exceptionally well on an often neglected, but beneficial part of the process.
June 27, 2006

Useful for friends of abused women

This review is from the point of view of someone who has a friend in an emotionally abusive relationship. I found this book extremely helpful. It provides insights into what goes on in abusive relationships and it helps to answer the big question you've been asking: why does she stay? It has a chapter specifically for friends and family of victims suggesting how to help, what to ask, and how to react if an abused woman confides in you. I wish I'd read this book *before* that happened to me! I could have avoided some mistakes.

The book also includes practical (not rosy) descriptions of what abused women can expect if they file for a restraining order, stay at a shelter, bring in the police, etc. There's also advice on choosing the right person to confide in, the right counsellor, and the right advocate.

If you have (or suspect you have) a physically or emotionally abused friend or relative, you owe it to yourself and to her to read this book.
November 06, 2003

IF you only buy 1 book this year buy this one.

I read this book in 1994. It was the best book that I have ever read. I was in a horrible controlling marriage, and this book let me know that I was not always wrong. He was. I got the divorce in 1995, and if it was not for this book I dont know where I would be. I was told so many times that I was stupid, that I started to believe it. If any of you are having problems with a controlling abusive (mentally or physically) relationship, read this book. It saved my life.

I am a totally different person, happy, outgoing and I am not afraid to speak my mind.
September 06, 2003

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