Product Description
How to help--and cope with--the difficult child

Expanded and completely revised, the classic and definitive work on parenting hard-to-raise children with new sections on ADHD and the latest medications for childhood disorders.

Temperamentally difficult children can confuse and upset even experienced parents and teachers. They often act defiant, stubborn, loud, aggressive, or hyperactive. They can also be clingy, shy, whiny, picky, and impossible at bedtime, mealtimes, and in public places. This landmark book has been completely revised to include the latest information on ADHD, medications, and a reassuring approach to all aspects of childhood behavioral disorders.

In this parenting classic, Dr. Stanley Turecki, one of the nation's most respected experts on children and discipline--and himself the father of a once difficult child--offers compassionate and practical advice to parents of hard-to-raise children. Based on his experience with thousands of families in the highly successful Difficult Children Program he developed for Beth Israel Medical Center in New York City, his step-by-step approach shows you how to:

Identify your child's temperament using a ten-point test to pinpoint specific difficulties
Manage common--often "uncontrollable"--conflict situations expertly and gently
Make discipline more effective and get better results with less punishment
Get support from schools, doctors, professionals, and support groups
Understand ADHD and other common diagnoses, and decide if medication is right for your child
Make the most of the tremendous potential and creativity that many "difficult" children have

Drawing on his experience with thousands of families in his highly successful Difficult Child Program, Dr. Turecki shows parents how to:

Identify their child's difficult temperament using a ten-point test to pinpoint specific difficulties

Manage typical conflict situations expertly and kindly

Make discipline more effective and get better results with less punishment

Get support from schools, doctors, and others

Understand ADHD and other common diagnoses, and decide whether medication is right for their child

Make the most of the child's creativity and potential -->

CUSTOMER REVIEWS (Average Customer Rating: 4.5 based on 39 reviews)

A Real Dragon-Slayer

Often I find that the universe seems to hand me just the book I need when I need it most, and this would be case in point. By the time my daughter was two, I'd worked my way through stacks: the high-need stuff, the strong-willed stuff, the highly-sensitive, the challenging, the high-I.Q., the out-of-synch, the spirited--so much, yet I stopped short of reading "The Difficult Child" because I decided, after reading a couple nasty-spirited books, that I wouldn't read anything with a negative title; semantics mattered, and "challenging" was OK, but "difficult" was not. Ironic, of course, given the fact that Turecki's approach is admirably complex and quite brilliant on temperament, compassionate, humanistic , and attuned to children as individuals. So I was stuck with the marshmallow fluff of "Spirited Child" instead of this meaty one, which of all the books I've read, seems best to "get it" in a wholistic sense. Turecki gets it! He gets that temperament is present at birth; most books on discipline refuse to discuss the child under six, which mystifies me, because if you have a truly challenging child, you're desperate before they turn 6 months. He understands the social isolation, the family complexities, the ever-augmenting dimensions of irony and complexity and difficulty, the maternal and marital pressure. So why did I finally pick up this book? Upon the birth of a second child, I no longer had the leisure of my idealism; if there had been a book titled "Coping With Your Spawn of Satan" I would have picked it up--if I'd had time to read.

Here's why this book is a real "dragon-slayer": Even the most un-neurotic, level-headed, intelligent parent--who knows better!--will at times question whether her robust yet difficult-to-raise child is perhaps brain-damaged (that glass of Champagne I drank at my cousin's wedding during the first trimester! Heavens!), suffering from an undiagnosed mood disorder, in need of special education or therapy or medication or acupuncture. Turecki begins his book with a quiz based on the following tempermant traits: high-activity level, impulsivity, distractibility, high-intensity, irregularity, negative persistence, low sensory threshold, initial withdrawal, poor adaptability, negative mood. I rated my daughter as moderate to extremely high in all categories, which would make her a mother-killer, and that's not including something Turecki leaves out--intellectual giftedness--which adds another dimension.

Here's why I'm glad I didn't read Turecki's book when she was a baby: I adopted an "attachment parenting" philosophy in reaction to her extreme difficulty, including co-sleeping, extended and on-demand breastfeeding, complete access to my person (in six years, I've not been apart from my daughter for an over-night or even more than a few hours). I got into it; it expanded my consciousness, you know, John Holt saying, "Listen to your child as you yourself were not listened to," and the idea that meeting the deepest needs of babies with a YES means their deepest needs are met for a lifetime. I was deeply transformed as a person and mother; if I'd had tools to maintain control--Ha!-- perhaps that wouldn't have happened. And here's what happened: it worked! Attachment parenting worked so well, in fact, that rather ironically, my daughter's difficulty was masked from all but those closest to her, which in a way added to the insanity of the situation my husband and I found ourselves in, as we were worn ragged meeting the needs of our sensitive tyrant, who just seemed shy and sweet to others. Turecki's book is divided into two parts, the theory of temperament (my favorite) and The Plan, which I would have hated when my daughter was a toddler; I'd probably have thrown the book across the room. Though Turecki tries to remain neutral, he's clearly baffled by the "attachment" folks. I still believe in that stuff, but I also believe in change--children grow, and new ways of relating need to come into being in response.

My daughter recently started elementary school in an accelerated public school classroom, which is highly-structured, disciplined and small. I didn't hope for much and saw it as the least bad of bad choices...but my daughter...loves it...and seems to be thriving. I'm baffled, especially as preschool was a nightmare of separation anxiety, topped off by a round of observations by our local special ed program, as the teacher wondered if my intense, creative, brilliant child, who refused to make eye contact with her or speak to her, might be autistic. So, I'll explore Turecki's methods, which are behavioral, tempered with knowledge of temperament, and which emphasize the importance of structure for the child with a difficult temperament. Here is my point: implementing such structure simply would not have worked when my daughter was a baby. I found Turecki's chapter on infants laughable, though I think he's right that colic is temperamental in origin. I likewise found his scenarios/profiles demonstrating how to implement consistent, effective response a bit simplistic. But I am inspired about the possibilities of regaining authority, maintaining neutrality and distancing myself from negative patterns.

October 02, 2008

Review Of The Difficult Child

Excellent book for "any" parent, not just one with issues. Written in simple terms and easy to follow instructions. One of the best educational books on parenting that I've read.
September 16, 2008

A classic

I have for many years suggested this book to families I work with. Dr. Turecki's book has been a mainstay in the popular work on temperament. He is faithful to the original work of Thomas and Chess regarding the traits, and the need to look beyond the behavior to why the child is responding in a certain manner in different environments.

I find that he is more realistic about how extremes of the individual traits can make a child vulnerable to different disorders than some other authors I have read. He has some good suggestions on how to approach traits that are creating stress for the child or adults around the child.

While temperament is a good foundation for understanding how children process their world, it is not the end all of how to work with children with special needs. They add another dimension of how they interpet the world which has to be added to the temperament profile. This is where some of the newer titles on children with special needs can be helpful
July 26, 2008

twenty years later

Over 23 years ago, I was the mother of a difficult child. Literally, since the day my daughter was born she had a difficult temperment. I was exhausted by her behaviors and felt I was a bad mother. Somehow I found this book and I was finally able to understand that I was not a failure as a mother and my child was not possessed by the Devil. I learned that she was born with an under-developed nervous system and I was then able to understand her sensitivity to her surroundings, textures of clothing, food, etc. I learned to work with her temperment, not against it. What a relief!

My daughter is now 27 years old. She is a beautiful, intelligent, and "well-behaved" young lady. I have learned to love her for who she is and we have a wonderful relationship. I am very grateful for the advice I received in this book.

I did a search for this book tonight and was so pleased to find it. I am a mental health counselor and today I met with a young woman who is suffering depression following the birth of her 3 month old daughter. As she sat before me in tears, she began to describe the behaviors she is struggling with in her infant: cholic, unable to sleep for more that 2 hours, appearing to want to eat every two hours, not wanting to be put down, preferring to be carried, and crying, crying, crying. When I shared with her my very similar experience and what I had learned in this book years ago, she immediately appeared relieved. Someone knew what she was talking about! I am buying another copy of this book tonight to share with this young mother.
May 08, 2008

Saved my sanity, and perhaps my kid!

Some kids are just upset from day one. Frantic me wonders what have I done wrong, how can any baby be so touchy? As she grows, she hates the feel of the tags on new clothes, loud noises, big groups of children, changing routines, hurrying, unexpected events...the list goes on, you get my point.

I picked this book up years ago based on title alone. And thank heavens I did. Dr. Turecki relieved my guilt, gave me a plan about how to cope with her tears (and mine!), AND a way to change her behavior. This book was a lifesaver. I recently gave my treasured copy once again to someone who needed it; she cried when she read it, with relief and recognition. I told her to keep it; my daughter's grown, successful, and no longer difficult at all!
April 13, 2008

SIMILAR PRODUCTS

The Explosive Child: A New Approach for Understanding and Parenting Easily Frustrated, Chronically Inflexible Children
by Ross W. Greene

Transforming the Difficult Child - Updated Edition/2008
by Howard Glasser MA, Jennifer Easley MA

Raising Your Spirited Child Rev Ed: A Guide for Parents Whose Child Is More Intense, Sensitive, Perceptive, Persistent, and Energetic
by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka

Setting Limits with Your Strong-Willed Child : Eliminating Conflict by Establishing Clear, Firm, and Respectful Boundaries
by Robert J. MacKenzie Ed.D.

The Challenging Child: Understanding, Raising, and Enjoying the Five "Difficult" Types of Children
by Stanley I. Greenspan, With *, Jacqueline Salmon