In a revealing study of relationships where partners love themselves first, last, and always, Cynthia Zayn and Kevin Dibble help readers determine whether their partner is over the line and has narcissistic personality disorder. The book draws on the authors' research and interviews with a variety of men and women who've been narcissized. Featuring compelling stories and scenarios, Narcissistic Lovers helps victims understand the pain brought on by their abusers, shows why these self-loathers can't change, and offer hope for healing from their "N-fliction."

CUSTOMER REVIEWS (Average Customer Rating: 4.0 based on 12 reviews)

The best Narcissistic book out there

This book is fantastic! It is so easy to read and understand. The examples they given are right on point and make you stop and think they are writing about me and my situation, how did they know. I would highly recommend this book
November 19, 2008

Redundant, but some good information

This book is a challenge in the alternating between HE and SHE tense describing Narcissitic Lovers...stating there are both male and female narcissists would have been less confusing if the given examples were in complete narratives instead of paragraphs that alternate between male & female examples...as it is it breaks up the readablity flow and not in keeping with customary writing standards. There is redundancy at nauseum, but the wording is conducive to the layman as is the "repetition to learn" principle. As a professional, I do not like the stance "You should do..." which continues to take control and choice away from the reader. Empowerment to see a NPD companion for what he/she is and choose whether to leave or stay should remain with the reader.
September 22, 2008

Gender prounouns and political correctness!

While the content of the book was good, I had a tough time getting through it because the authors, in order to be politically correct, switched back & forth between the gender pronouns "he" and "she." This was confusing and highly distracting. I just wish they had picked the male gender and stuck with it. I gave the book away!
September 15, 2008

More minuses than pluses

As I read this book, the thought "pop psychology" came up over and over in my mind. A school teacher and a master's level therapist write a book on narcissists after reading 2--count em in the bibliography--2 books that give some information about Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).

One of these is Sam Vaknin's famous book on NPD, and the other is the DSM-IV criteria for the disorder. They also draw heavily on another pop psychology book listed in the bibliography "Codependent No More", to provide you the means to decide why you stay or have stayed with your Narcissist (N). It's ALL opinion--there isn't an ounce of empricism (research based) information that I can find in this book.

The two stars are because the book has some utility. What is valuable about this book--and many other pop psychology books, is that for a person in emotional distress, validation and hope are offered. Both are certainly worthwhile supports.

What is egregious about this book is in my opinion, is the authors' somewhat muddled sense of what constitutes NPD. It appears that the authors read Vaknin's book, and presumably the DSM description, assimilated some sense of what constitutes a Narcissist, then wrote their own book. They drift around in the concept throughout the book. Some of the vignettes of "narcissists" are weak, and could describe any number of disorders besides NPD.

Some of the information is ridiculously wrong. To pick one my favorites: "Carl Jung, the famous psychologist, theorized that co-dependency is brought about by society." Jung was a PSYCHIATRIST, and never wrote a single word about "co-dependency"--a term coined in the 1960's, that found root in the 70's, and was used to describe a condition whereby people connected to alcoholics and drug addicts were enabling the addicts behavior.

In this same chapter (14) with the above error the authors decide to soapbox by now bravely venturing forth on the back of yet another pop psychology book, Reviving Ophelia, that moves into a rant about how "society" creates co-dependent women. If you're a male reading about your narcissistic female partner, you may start to feel a little left out at this point.

Their recovery stategies essentially consist of learning about NPD, studying yourself and why you stay or stayed (let me give you their conclusion for you--CODEPENDENT), deciding your lover past or current has NPD, then writing letters to the ex-narcissist, but not mailing them. They also suggest professional help if you need it. These suggestions are not bad ideas, but who needs to buy a book to discover them?

I have other criticisms of this book--which starts out a lot stronger than it concludes, but still give it a half hearted recommendation because there is a dearth of good books on coping with NPD in the marketplace, thus giving this book some utility that it might not otherwise have. Buy it used if you must have it. There is at least as useful information on the web for free.
July 24, 2008

A worthy read

At first I found this book difficult to get into, but I think that's because it's less of an informational read than an therapeutic experience evoked by words. Leave this book for a long weekend when you have time to get into your emotions and do some journaling or art along with it. It's use of co-dependent terminology was sometimes a little off-putting, but overall the book provided insights I hadn't gained in any other books on the subject. I especially found the distinction between somatic and cerebral narcissists useful.
June 21, 2008

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