| View Larger Image | One and the Same: My Life as an Identical Twin and What I've Learned About Everyone's Struggle to Be Singular | Hardcoverby Abigail Pogrebin (Author)
| List Price: | $26.95 | | Price: | $17.79 | | You Save: | $9.16 (34%) | | | Available: | Usually ships in 24 hours |
| | Binding: | Hardcover | | Publisher: | Doubleday | | Page Count: | 288 Pages | | Publication Date: | October 20, 2009 | | Sales Rank: | 8,934th |
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FEATURES | - ISBN13: 9780385521567
- Condition: NEW
- Notes: Brand New from Publisher. No Remainder Mark.
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EDITORIAL REVIEWS |
Product Description
The author of Stars of David and a twin herself, journalist Abigail Pogrebin offers a poignant and personal look at what it's really like to live with your mirror image and tells the story of many twins who struggle to balance intimacy and individuality.Writer. Mother. Wife. New Yorker. Abigail Pogrebin is many things, but the one that has defined her most profoundly is “identical twin.” Pogrebin's relationship with her sister, both as children, when they were inseparable, and today, when she longs for that uncomplicated intimacy, inspired her to examine the phenomenon of twinship—to learn how other identical pairs regard their doubleness and what experts are learning about how DNA impacts our sense of identity and shapes our lives. In One and the Same, Pogrebin presents a tapestry of twinship, weaving science reporting and personal memoir with the revelatory stories of other twins, such as two sisters who stopped speaking for three years; football stars Tiki and Ronde Barber, who admit their twinship comes before their marriages; a pair of bawdy, self-proclaimed “twin ambassadors” who have created a media empire around their twinness; and brothers whose shared genetic anomaly wrought unspeakable tragedy. In this stirring account, Pogrebin shows how living identical is both a celebration of sameness and a struggle for singularity that defines us all. |
Amazon.com Review
Jane Isay Reviews One and the Same Jane Isay is the author of Walking on Eggshells and the forthcoming Mom Still Likes You Best. She has been an editor for over 40 years and edited such nonfiction classics as Reviving Ophelia, Praying for Sheetrock, and Friday Night Lights. She lives in New York City, not too far from her children and grandchildren. Read her exclusive Amazon guest review of One and the Same: Abigail Pogrebin’s One and the Same: My Life As an Identical Twin and What I’ve Learned about Everyone’s Struggle to be Singular is a terrific travelogue through the world of identical--and fraternal--twins. She tells the story of the twin experience from the inside out, and shines a smart and loving light on this special relationship. Pogrebin brings heart and brains to her own experiences with her twin sister Robin, from infancy to a ripe maturity. And she has done prodigious amount of research, speaking with scores of twins--together and apart--and interviewing dozens of experts on all aspects of the twin experience. Modern medicine has given us more multiple births every year, and so more and more people are parents of twins. When we see so many pairs of kids riding in their double strollers, we ask ourselves so many questions. What’s going on in their little minds as they grow up together? Do they feel like they’re one person, or two? How do they relate to other kids in school? Do they feel that it’s a privilege to be a twin, or do they find it a burden? What about the social expectations that they should love each other best and should be ever so close? How do they separate enough to get married and form their own families? What is the mistake parents most often make in rearing their twins? Abigail Pogrebin has answers to these questions and many more. In each chapter she writes a bit about her and her sister, and then brings in testimony from other twins and the experts. In addition, this book is valuable because of the light it sheds on all sibling relationships by describing the closest pairs we know. Even people without a twin in their lives--and most of us are fascinated by twins--will benefit from reading One and the Same. If you’re considering IVF, if you are a twin or have a twin, or are married to a twin, or dating one, this book is a necessity. In addition, Abigail Pogrebin’s family is one of those singularly successful and loving ones, and basking in the warmth of her life is a pleasure.--Jane Isay (Photo © Robin Holland) Abigail Pogrebin on One and the Same Who knows what makes each of us feel distinctive in the world, understood, really known? If individuality is a hurdle, it’s raised that much higher when you’re a twin. I started my book, One and the Same, to plumb the depths and intricacies of growing up as a double, but also because I knew that twinship is just a magnified version of everyone’s challenge: individuality. What made it complicated for me and my twin, Robin, are the same elements that can make it complicated for any person: a sense of being blurred, over-compared, generalized; an uncertainty whether the people in your life truly know you apart from others. Psychologist Joan Friedman, a twin and parent of twins (who counsels both) talks about the difference between "being noticed, and being known." I know that difference. As an identical twin, you definitely get noticed; my sister and I were kind of famous just by virtue of looking so alike. (And okay, we were kind of cute before we hit the merciless stage of adolescence.) But the inherent "star power" in twinship has a short shelf life. Ultimately you need to feel sure of a separate worth, an identity beyond twinship. If I’m not mistaken, we all need the clarity of uniqueness. What do I bring to the table? How will I leave my mark? What do I have with this friend that’s unlike what they have with someone else? It’s not that we spend all our days self-obsessed, asking how we’re special, but there’s some fundamental need to know we’re singular. My parents could not have been more loving, stimulating, or "modern" in their childrearing, but it literally never occurred to them to spend time with Robin and me separately and that omission backfired at the end of the day. When I interviewed my mother for my book, and asked her why she and Dad never took us anywhere separately, she looked pained. "Because we didn’t think that way," she told me. "We just thought in terms of doing things as a family. I should have been aware of it because I should have been smart enough to figure out that something is gained when you’re alone with a person. I should have realized that. But it never occurred to us. It always was a matter of 'Let’s. Not: 'You come with me and you go with him.'" She said they realized their mistake in one powerful instant when I was eighteen and they invited me to go with them for a weekend at a bed-and-breakfast. "You said you were uncomfortable coming along because you’d never been alone with us. It was like somebody shot us between the eyes; we couldn’t believe it. ‘How could this have happened?’ We never noticed that we had never been with one child." "It was clear that you felt you had a performance level you had to keep up," my father recalls, "and you felt that, without Robin, you wouldn’t be able to hold up your end in terms of pleasing us, as if that was anything you had to do. So that was a real realization that we’d missed something. I think we were always so careful to have equality of treatment that it turned out to be undifferentiated." Psychologist Dorothy Burlingham wrote in her 1954 study of identical twins that mothers can’t connect to their twins until they get to know them apart from each other. "Several mothers have plainly said that it was impossible to love their twins until they had a found a difference in them," Burlingham wrote. That could be rephrased for all of us, twin and non-twin alike: it’s impossible to feel loved, acknowledged, understood, valued unless we’re sure people have "found a difference" in us. Unless we’re sure we’re uncommon or particular in some way. One and the Same is a window into the truth about twinship. But it’s also, I think, an unpacking of how we each ultimately find a way to say, "Look at me alone."--Abigail Pogrebin |
CUSTOMER REVIEWS (Average Customer Rating: 5.0 based on 2 reviews)
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Fascinating book even for someone who isn't a twin. by Gretchen C. Rubin (New York, NY USA)  5 Stars
November 01, 2009
I'm not a twin, but I've always been fascinated by the twin relationship, especially that of identical twins. This account is riveting, especially the sections where the author writes about her own relationship with her identical twin sister. Many aspects of twinship are explored -- how the genetics plays out, effect of fertility technology on twins, separation, competition -- all fascinating.
I read the book in two sittings.
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As much of a page-turner as the most exciting thriller by Bookreporter.com (New York, New York) 5 Stars
October 26, 2009
Because most of us will never know what it's like to be a twin, twinship is often seen as fascinating, mysterious and magical. In this captivating book, Abigail Pogrebin blends a memoir of her life as an identical twin with interviews of other twins, along with scientific reporting of the twin phenomenon.
I expected this book to be interesting (and it fully met my expectations), but I couldn't foretell how often it would make my heart ache. Abigail doesn't hold back, courageously revealing the sometimes painful longing she has for more closeness with Robin, her twin, while also discussing the wonderful aspects of their relationship. Although it isn't surprising to learn the strength of emotional intensity in being an identical twin, some aspects of the relationship are a revelation. Abigail tells readers that she has a life partner in her sister, someone with whom she is compelled to share her deepest thoughts and whose opinions she treasures. But there's another side to the coin: Abigail takes on any emotional distress Robin shares with her and is devastated by any spat with her sister. She also is frank about her sorrow in a certain recent distancing in their relationship, one emanating from Robin.
Abigail's personal story weaves between the tales of other twins, as well as interviews with experts on twin relationships. She begins with a meander through a town named for twins: Twinsburg, Ohio. Twinsburg celebrates twins with an annual Twins Day, which began in 1976. Today, thousands of pairs of twins from all over the world attend the event. Abigail, who visited it in 2006, was a bit embarrassed by the sight of many grown twins dressed identically, but she also felt off kilter without Robin. During her visit, Abigail met many fascinating twin couples, including the well-known Ganz twins, who call themselves the "ambassadors of twins." Debbie and Lisa Ganz not only opened a twins talent agency, but they also own the New York City Twins Restaurant, staffed with twin waiters. Abigail marvels that the Ganz sisters have celebrated and elevated their relationship, while other twins she meets at Twins Day have been frank about their romantic and social woes, which some blame on their strong connections with their siblings.
Experts, including psychologists and psychotherapists, contribute their theories about twin relationship pitfalls. Some believe that having a twin --- essentially a built-in best friend --- may delay social development. Feeling complete because of a twin relationship, some theorize, might also hinder a search for romance. In addition, it seems that some romantic partners of twins may feel especially challenged by the twin connection.
One set of twins Abigail interviews is football players Tiki Barber and Ronde Barber. The Barbers discuss their respective strengths and weaknesses. To Abigail, they seem to have the perfect twin relationship with achievements they've attained by helping each other thrive, a solid closeness and separate successful family lives. However, when other twins are interviewed, it is obvious that many have issues with separating from their twins. These problems can sometimes even result in estrangement.
As Abigail continues to research, she attends a twin parenting class, which seeks to instruct couples expecting multiple births. In their turn, mothers and fathers of twins have their say about the experience of parenting two tiny babies, an often overwhelming endeavor, complicated by the higher rate of prematurity. Experts also weigh in on the consequences and responsibilities of fertility specialists in regards to multiple births.
The subtitle of ONE AND THE SAME --- "My Life as an Identical Twin and What I've Learned About Everyone's Struggle to Be Singular" --- expresses the theme of the book, a combined honoring of this most intimate bond along with the yearning to be an original person. From stories of heroism told by twin survivors of Auschwitz through a heartbreaking tale of shared DNA resulting in tragedy, this fascinating read is as much of a page-turner as the most exciting thriller.
--- Reviewed by Terry Miller Shannon
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