| View Larger Image | The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work | Paperbackby John Gottman (Author), Nan Silver (Author)
| List Price: | $15.05 | | | Available: | Temporarily out of stock. Order now and we'll deliver when available. We'll e-mail you with an estimated delivery date as soon as we have more information. Your credit card will not be charged until we ship the item. |
| | Binding: | Paperback | | Publisher: | Orion (an Imprint of The Orion Publishing Group Ltd ) | | Page Count: | 288 Pages | | Publication Date: | November 02, 2004 | | Sales Rank: | 5,808th |
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EDITORIAL REVIEWS |
Product Description
Straightforward in its approach, yet profound in its effect, the principles outlined in this book teach partners new and startling strategies for making their marriage work. Gottman has scientifically analysed the habits of married couples and established a method of correcting the behaviour that puts thousands of marriages on the rocks. He helps couples focus on each other, on paying attention to the small day-to-day moments that, strung together, make up the heart and soul of any relationship. Packed with questionnaires and exercises whose effectiveness has been proven in Dr Gottman's workshops, this is the definitive guide for anyone who wants their relationship to attain its highest potential. 'An eminently practical guide to an emotionally intelligent - and long-lasting - marriage' Daniel Goleman, author of Emotional Intelligence |
Amazon.com Review
According to most relationship books, the key to a solid marriage is communication, communication, communication. Phooey, says John Gottman, Ph.D., author of the much-lauded Why Marriages Succeed or Fail. There's much more to a solid, "emotionally intelligent" marriage than sharing every feeling and thought, he points out--though most couples therapists ineffectively (and expensively) harp on these concepts. Gottman, the director of the Gottman Institute, has found through studying hundreds of couples in his "love lab" that it only takes five minutes for him to predict--with 91 percent accuracy--which couples will eventually divorce. He shares the four not-so-obvious signs of a troubled relationship that he looks for, using sometimes amusing passages from his sessions with married couples. (One standout is Rory, the pediatrician who didn't know the name of the family dog because he spent so much time at work.) Gottman debunks many myths about divorce (primary among them that affairs are at the root of most splits). He also reveals surprising facts about couples who stay together. They do engage in screaming matches. And they certainly don't resolve every problem. "Take Allan and Betty," he writes. "When Allan gets annoyed at Betty, he turns on ESPN. When Betty is upset with him, she heads for the mall. Then they regroup and go on as if nothing's happened. Never in forty-five years of marriage have they sat down to have a 'dialogue' about their relationship." While this may sound like a couple in trouble, Gottman found that they pass the love-lab tests and say honestly that "they are both very satisfied with their relationship and they love each other deeply." Through a series of in-depth quizzes, checklists, and exercises, similar to the ones he uses in his workshops, Gottman provides the framework for coping with differences and strengthening your marriage. His profiles of troubled couples rescued from the brink of divorce (including that of Rory, the out-of-touch doctor) and those of still-happy couples who reinvigorate their relationships are equally enlightening. --Erica Jorgensen |
CUSTOMER REVIEWS (Average Customer Rating: 4.5 based on 171 reviews)
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Relationships, marriage, hanky panky... by Tom Adams  5 Stars
November 24, 2009
This book strikes to the heart of successful relationships.
Learning to deal successfully with people is a good thing:)
now where is my girlfriend...
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I really like how the information is presented.... by Jeremy Morton 5 Stars
October 28, 2009
This may be a negative aspect for many, but I really like the scientific approach that this book took to present its information. Personally, many of the relationship books that were faith-based didn't seem to offer much in terms of truly understanding what was going on. The information in this book was and will be beneficial in gaining a better understanding in what goes into a healthy relationship vs. an unhealthy one. You will likely be surprised, just as I was!
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It really is very "Practical" by J. Sickles (Atlanta, GA USA) 5 Stars
October 27, 2009
I love this book, and as a marriage therapist, I recommend it to the families that I work with often. John Gottman is a great researcher, and has truly narrowed down what it takes to build a solid relationship. It is very practical with exercises throughout to help you identify the principles affecting your marriage, and then exercises to help strengthen your marriage in that area. I love the sections that help couples with solving problems. It is a great resource to strengthen marriages, whether or not they are struggling.
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Love it! by Melanie Lunsford Uetsuki 5 Stars
October 21, 2009
This is an excellent book and I totally agree with the principles. Now if we can just start working on some of the questions and suggestions we will be in business. I have read countless other marriage support books and this one really seems to get to the root of many problems. If two people are committed and are willing to work at it they can have an exceptional marriage and I think this book gives you some tools to put you in the right direction.
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Helpful only if you fit the stereotype. If you don't this book is a lot less helpful by Traveler (New England)  3 Stars
October 18, 2009
I have actually sung the praises of the author, John Gottman, for many years. Gottman is mentioned in Malcom Gladwell's "Blink" and his methods for many (not all) marriages is solidly based. The problem is, Gottman has a bias and he's blind to it. But first, the positives.
He's dead on correct about the indicators of divorce. I've been there and I know. When you or your partner is contemptuous, for example, it's a really really bad sign. Gottman is also dead on correct in terms of the general principles he presents to make a relationship better - shared experiences, sharing in the decision making, letting go of unsolvable problems, etc.
My beef is his premise (and it is a premise, not a fact) that "80% of the stonewalling in marriages comes from men" and that "women tend to respect their husbands more than men their wives." These are actual arguments Gottman makes.
The most glaring reason Gottman's research is flawed is that his conclusion about men stonewalling comes from his own clinical observations which are anecodotal. There are no footnotes or endnotes about where the 80% figure came from. To give him the benefit of the doubt, he must have observed this in his own research. The problem is, these are going to be couples that have sought his assistance or counseling in general. And it would make sense that women would be the instigator of such actions. But that doesn't prove the 80% figure.
Men could simply have different tactics. For example, they might be inclined to a more do-it-yourself approach while still trying to address the problems in their marriages. Or, it could be that these men are in relationships with women who refuse to deal with the problems/go to counseling and the men leave it at that. There's also research that indicates that women simply expect and demand more from their committed relationships. One recent study published in "Psychology Today" showed that the lowest divorce rate in nations with full marriage rights were among gay men and highest among lesbians with hetero relationships in the middle. Hard to believe, but it does negate some of what Gottman is arguing.
Having been raised by an egalitarian father who cooked, cleaned, worked as a social worker; having been somewhat raised by two much older sisters (research shows older sisters result in more egalitarian men), I find Gottman's conclusions personally offensive and not the least bit helpful. There are other men out there like me - I've met them. The world is a little more complex these days. Many women are just as bad as men and sometimes far worse.
"Carrie" on "Sex in the City" once pondered (in 2003!) that women were becoming the new bachelors. Talk to any sensitive man who ALREADY understands Gottman's arguments about sharing, giving, etc. and they'll tell you horror stories that discredits Gottman's guiding premise that it's the men who are stonewalling in relationships and causing most of the problems. Been there, seen it, survived it.
If you can somehow take in Gottman's guiding principles while ignoring the clear bias you'll find a lot of wisdom here. But if you're one of those men who already gets it, you're probably better off with a different book - one that recognizes a 21st century reality that there are lots of men out there who get it and they're dating and marrying women who don't. I can't recommend a title and I'm not even sure if one exists.
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