| View Larger Image | How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It | Paperbackby Patricia Love (Author), Steven Stosny (Author)
| List Price: | $14.00 | | Price: | $10.08 | | You Save: | $3.92 (28%) | | | Available: | Usually ships in 24 hours |
| | Binding: | Paperback | | Publisher: | Broadway | | Page Count: | 240 Pages | | Publication Date: | April 29, 2008 | | Sales Rank: | 7,840th |
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FEATURES | - ISBN13: 9780767923187
- Condition: NEW
- Notes: Brand New from Publisher. No Remainder Mark.
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EDITORIAL REVIEWS |
Product Description
Men are right. The “relationship talk” does not help. Dr. Patricia Love’s and Dr. Steven Stosny’s How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It reveals the stunning truth about marital happiness:Love is not about better communication.It's about connection. You'll never get a closer relationshipwith your man by talking to him like youtalk to one of your girlfriends. Male emotions are like women's sexuality:you can't be too direct too quickly. There are four ways to connect with a man:touch, activity, sex, routines. Men want closer marriages just as much as women do,but not if they has to act like a woman.Talking makes women move closer;it makes men move away.The secret of the silent male is this:his wife supplies the meaning in his life.The stunning truth about love is that talking doesn’t help.Have you ever had this conversation with your spouse?Wife: “Honey, we need to talk about us.” Husband: “Do we have to?” Drs. Patricia Love and Steven Stosny have studied this all-too-familiar dynamic between men and women and have reached a truly shocking conclusion. Even with the best of intentions, talking about your relationship doesn’t bring you together, and it will eventually drive you apart. The reason for this is that underneath most couples’ fights, there is a biological difference at work. A woman’s vulnerability to fear and anxiety makes her draw closer, while a man’s subtle sensitivity to shame makes him pull away in response. This is why so many married couples fall into the archetypal roles of nagging wife/stonewalling husband, and why improving a marriage can’t happen through words. How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It teaches couples how to get closer in ways that don’t require “trying to turn a man into a woman.” Rich in stories of couples who have turned their marriages around, and full of practical advice about the behaviors that make and break marriages, this essential guide will help couples find love beyond words. |
CUSTOMER REVIEWS (Average Customer Rating: 4.5 based on 54 reviews)
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Truly helpful and practical information by Corinna S. Hart (Pine, AZ)  5 Stars
November 03, 2009
I won't take up space with repeating the content of this really helpful book. There were many very good reviews that explained all that very well. What I would like to say is that the ideas and suggestions that are presented in this gem of a book are well worth the purchase price. My husband and I have been married for 28 years and we have a good marriage, we are committed to each other and want the best for our marriage, family and ourselves. But, we had issues and couldn't seem to get past the roadblocks in the way we communicated with each other. It seemed that so much of the time we were almost speaking a foreign lanuage to each other when it came to expressing ourselves. I being a woman, talked to him like he was one of my girlfriends, thinking he would surely understand what I am trying to express. And he, being a man of few words, would retreat into his computer and games, thinking that I am critizing him as a husband for not meeting my needs. He wanted to "fix" the problem the way most men do, thats how they are wired.
We picked up this book together because of the title, and I immediately began to plow through the pages. As I read, it became so clear that we were almost speaking a foreign language and that there were so many things that we were doing wrong out of ignorance. Girls, he is NOT your girlfriend, but he DOES want to connect and be close to you, we just need to learn how to do that. The authors suggest that connection is the key and they offer some very real and practical advice on how to make that happen for each of us.
Even tho I am farther along in the book, we have both began to put into practice what we have learned so far, and they are making a very real difference in our lives right now.
I can honestly say, things have never been better between us.
I hope this book will do the same for you and your marriage.
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Oversimplifies gender roles a bit, not for somewhat healthy marriages looking to get even healthier by Joshua Merritt (Texas, USA)  3 Stars
October 29, 2009
Honestly, this is probably a case of me buying the "wrong book" for my needs. I bought this based on the largely positive feedback. Upon reading, I discovered the book is largely directed to couples that have broken off communication altogether, are on the defensive with each other constantly, and are steps away from breaking it off. I gathered from the title that it would address communication barriers, certainly, which I believe men and women have between each other naturally. I just didn't realize the extent to which the author would build a case tying nearly everything wrong in a marriage back to the male's need for unabashed acceptance and glorification (i.e. not being shamed) and the female need for security.
I DO actually agree with the author that, in general, these are traits of the genders, accordingly. I just feel the book oversimplifies and generalizes things a bit too much. It paints men as neanderthals, unable (biologically) to communicate, while women are all incessant naggers and nit pickers.
In my own relationship, this simply isn't the case. No relationship is perfect, and certainly my marriage is far from it, but I (the husband) am quite often the instigator of relationship talk. She seldom nags, we do tell each other we love one another regularly, and there is a general respect and kindness in our home.
We certainly could use improvement in many areas, which I hoped to find in this book. Instead, by far and large, I found a certainly well developed case that shame and fear are at the core of nearly every relational challenge.
The book did have a few high points for me, which will make the $10 Kindle download pay itself back fairly quickly. The last chapter, a formula for marital improvement, is (although a bit hokey) more than likely a gold pot. It's a short list of super simple routines you can perform daily to demonstrate your love and build a stronger relationship. Also, buried within the rhetoric on shame and fear are some very true but ugly behaviors we nearly all exhibit, and some great ways to accept and acknowledge their root cause and
If your marriage truly is on the very brink of being over and done with, I would definitely read this book. If you feel, or have even been told, that you are the typical male that "never listens, never wants to talk and just shuts yourself off," this book is for you. Women, if you find yourself chasing your husband around the house trying to engage your husband in confrontation, are burdened with fear of not being protected, provided for, your dreams are being neglected, this book will no doubt be a great resource for you.
I learned a little, skimmed over a lot. I'm still searching for the best book on strengthening the marital bond (as opposed to pretty much restoring a marriage that has been so severaly neglected), intimacy, etc. Perhaps the secret is to do what I have been doing. . . . take in a lot of books, and extract a few "nuggets" from each one until you are properly armed.
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Stubborn 30 Something Husband and Dad Utterly Approves! by Joe Meyer (Omaha, NE) 5 Stars
October 26, 2009
I am a proud stubborn man, who is a husband of 5 years, and a father of 3 kids all under 5. I submitted to Marriage Counseling to make my wife happy. After a year, the counselor herself recommended this book. My wife read it first and to be honest I could NOT believe how much my wife had changed. We are both so passionate and extreme, we fight to the extreme and love to the extreme. After seeing how she changed after reading this book, I couldn't wait to get my hands on it. Let it be said that I haven't read a book by choice since probably middle school. Every night I would read 15 pages or so; AMAZED at how SPOT ON this book was. It completely enlightens you to things that you would never be able to know on your own. No blame is pointed, it is an equal opportunity blamer, etc. This book has saved my marriage, hands down. It even helped with the way I approach my kids.
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Great take action book by A. Brown  4 Stars
August 22, 2009
Great book to put things in perspective. It complimented therapy techniques nicely. Would definitely find someone to review this book with and to think things through if you are female. Great way to take action and work on your marriage even if it is not in trouble.
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Must Have for All Couples by Nina Powell (Yosemite area) 5 Stars
July 30, 2009
This book is changing my life for the better. I am so grateful for the information and wisdom in this text. This explains so much I have struggled to understand for years regarding the dynamics between men and women in relationship. Even when both parties are invested and wanting to move through difficult or challenging issues, so much can go wrong. This books explains the sources of the knots and offers useful ways to untie them without needing to convert either party to the other's way of being. Yeah!
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