| View Larger Image | Single Mothers by Choice: A Guidebook for Single Women Who Are Considering or Have Chosen Motherhood | Paperbackby Jane Mattes (Author)
| List Price: | $15.00 | | Price: | $10.20 | | You Save: | $4.80 (32%) | | | Available: | Usually ships in 24 hours |
| | Binding: | Paperback | | Publisher: | Three Rivers Press | | Edition: | 1stst Edition | | Page Count: | 272 Pages | | Publication Date: | May 01, 1994 | | Sales Rank: | 51,325st |
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FEATURES | - ISBN13: 9780812922462
- Condition: NEW
- Notes: Brand New from Publisher. No Remainder Mark.
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EDITORIAL REVIEWS |
Product Description
The first handbook for the rapidly growing number of American women choosing single motherhood, written by the director of the national organization Single Mothers by Choice. Mattes presents an accessible and personal analysis of the available options and examines the problems, questions and rewards. |
CUSTOMER REVIEWS (Average Customer Rating: 4.0 based on 29 reviews)
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Good, but I have read better by Iowa Therapist (Ottumwa, IA)  4 Stars
July 04, 2009
I bought this book along with Mikki's and Knock Yourself Up when I was researching how to become a single mother by choice. This book does have some great ideas and views on the subject, but I didn't find it as satisfying as the others I have read. She is a psychologist or psychiatrist and I think her book gets more into the mind and emotions and thoughts that need to be settled there. It is a good reference to have though.
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A must read for any thinker or tryer by B. Plaisted (Winter Park, FL United States)  5 Stars
November 20, 2008
I'm a tryer now, but as soon as I realized I wasn't the only single woman thinking about having children on my own I bought this book. Ms. Mattes is the brave woman who made our cause a public one and opened the doors that I am able to freely walk through in my journey. Her detailed examination of the subject, and practical answers to many of the worries that plagued me in the thinking stage are what make this book one of the must-haves on the subject. I think she might want to publish a new edition every few years just to catch up with the public opinion part of the story, but for the most part, the information is enduring. Add this to your collection as you think, and it will be a resource through all the stages of your journey.
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Only for women with exceptionally good resources by Sparky Malone  3 Stars
July 31, 2008
I'm a single mother, and daily, I speak with other single mothers. My sense is that this book softpedals the financial vulnerability of single motherhood to a degree that is less than responsible, and women considering this option should understand that the mere fact of being a mother can damage the financial security they have as childless women. It's an important consideration if you're going to be raising a child on your own.
While it's true in general that mothers have a tough go balancing demands of work and family, married or not, the presumption in the professional world is that you will find someone to look after your child whenever necessary. If meetings run late, so be it. If you're needed at 10 pm, that's when the job is. In a two-parent family, that "someone" is usually a spouse; in a one-parent family, if there is no "someone"...well, there are good reasons why the majority of single-parent households are low-income, and it isn't all to do with educational level of the mother. I know enough BA- and MA-level single moms on food stamps. So any woman considering doing this solo should think very hard about these issues:
1. You will probably not be able to stay late at work or come in on weekends.
2. You will have to leave whenever the nanny doesn't show, the daycare is closed, or the child is ill.
3. You will have a tough time socializing with your coworkers. Yes, you can find sitters (more work, doing that, and expensive), but after your baby's been in care all day, you probably don't want to stick her with someone else for another 3-4 hours so you can go out with the group.
4. If there's no at-school aftercare available for school-aged kids, you will likely have to go pick up the child and ferry her to another place. You will not be able to rely on paid care to show up responsibly. Will your boss accommodate your leaving for an hour every midafternoon?
5. Finding care for a child while you travel on business is extremely difficult. Expect it to fall through. And no, you cannot stash the child in the hotel room the whole time, either.
6. Your mother is older, more tired, less rich, less well, and more worried than you think. Do not expect her to be magic backup childcare on a regular basis.
7. You're going to be _exhausted_. Result: 20somethings will go rocketing past you even though you're struggling to catch up on work at 2 am.
8. "Family-friendly" is a euphemism. My ex-sister-in-law is a lawyer in a "family friendly" firm and type of law. Result: She only works 14-hour days for a few months out of the year. Daycare doesn't last for 14 hours. And if you want a new world of worry, welcome to Nannyworld, where you hire semi-educated, underpaid (yet very expensive) young women who don't quite know what they're doing with their lives yet, but have a lot of time free for childcare. For now.
9. Moving for a job is not as easy as you think when you're uprooting a child. Consider that there will be no one else around who is familiar, no one else to help the child adjust, but these traumas come precisely when you'll need to put in as much time as possible establishing yourself in a new job. You'll also lose whatever support network you've built and will have to start fresh. So unless your industry is large and resilient where you live, finding work after job loss may be more difficult than you think.
10. Forget about being depressed after all that. You have no time and it's no good for your kid.
11. If your child turns out to be special-needs, your career is done. You'll scrape by on the side as a sort of adjunct or consultant, when you have time and energy, and if you can find a niche where reliability is not paramount.
In other words, if you are a professional single woman whose talent does not write its own ticket, you can expect solo motherhood to make your professional life very, very difficult. You can also expect to look like hell a lot of the time. In some businesses that doesn't matter, but in others it does.
If you have lots of money, or a big rich sane family that likes you, and good strong family support, I'd say you're a good candidate. Same if you're in a social-welfare Northern European state with excellent childcare, other state benefits, and job protection for mothers. If not, well, I think you're asking for trouble and an awful lot of stress. If it were just you living with the stress, that'd be one thing, but your child runs a good risk of growing up with one very stressed and vulnerable adult, and no one else. And that to me is not such a great idea.
The attitude I've seen at SMBC is "Well, nothing ventured, nothing gained!" and there's something to it. However, the downside is very, very large if you lose, and not just for you. The risks are not small, either.
This book should be bundled with Ann Crittenden's _The Price of Motherhood_, and Joan Williams's _Unbending Gender_, imo.
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Consider Your Options by Barbara Sheldon, M.S.W. (Solana Beach, CA) 4 Stars
June 27, 2008
Here's a helpful book for women who might be considering parenthood, even if they aren't currently married or in a committed relationship. The author highlights pros and cons of single mothering, although she tends to view the process from a highly positive, at times naive, viewpoint.
Useful as you consider your options. Interesting and well-written.
See below for a book about raising your kids as a single mom.
Barbara Sheldon, M.S.W.
I also highly recommend: Raising Great Kids on Your Own: A Guide and Companion for Every Single Parent
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Single Mothers by Choice by S. Holden (North Carolina) 5 Stars
April 08, 2008
I found this book to be very informative and helpful. It was easy to read and understand.
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SIMILAR PRODUCTS |
| Choosing Single Motherhood: The Thinking Woman's Guide
by Mikki Morrissette (Author)
The comprehensive guide for single women interested in proactively becoming and being a mother—includes the essential tools needed to decide whether to take this step, information on how best to follow through, and insight about answering the child’s questions and needs over time.
Choosing Single Motherhood, written by a longtime journalist and Choice Mother (a woman who chooses to conceive or adopt without a life partner), will become the indispensable tool for women looking for...
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| Knock Yourself Up: No Man? No Problem: A Tell-All Guide to Becoming a Single Mom
by Louise Sloan (Author)
More and more women are choosing not to let being single stand in the way of becoming a mom. In this honest and often hilarious guide, Louise Sloan shares the details of her own funny and heartbreaking journey to single motherhood-including cyberstalking an anonymous sperm donor, dealing with exploding semen vials, and being mistaken for a horse breeder-as well as the experiences of many other women across the country. Knock Yourself Up offers an inside look at the logistical and legal...
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| Choosing You: Deciding to Have a Baby on My Own
by Alexandra Soiseth (Author)
All her adult life, Alexandra Soiseth has wanted a husband, children, dogs and cats—a busy, loving, home. But at thirty-nine, with no husband on the horizon, she decides to take matters into her own hands.
She googles for sperm.
Choosing You is Alexandra's memoir. With humor and heart, she shares the often gut-wrenching reality she faces in having a baby on her own—a mother and father who disapprove, friends who think she's crazy, a society that thinks she's selfish. But it...
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| Single by Chance, Mothers by Choice: How Women are Choosing Parenthood without Marriage and Creating the New American Family
by Rosanna Hertz (Author)
A remarkable number of women today are taking the daunting step of having children outside of marriage. In Single By Chance, Mothers By Choice, Rosanna Hertz offers the first full-scale account of this fast-growing phenomenon, revealing why these middle class women took this unorthodox path and how they have managed to make single parenthood work for them.
Hertz interviewed 65 women--ranging from physicians and financial analysts to social workers, teachers, and secretaries--women who...
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| Adopting On Your Own: The Complete Guide to Adoption for Single Parents
by Lee Varon (Author)
The first guide of its kind, covering all stages of the adoption process
Adopting on Your Own addresses the questions and concerns of prospective single parents. Lee Varon, a practicing therapist specializing in adoption counseling and the single mother of two adopted children, helps readers make an evenhanded assessment of whether adoption is right for them, then leads them through the different stages of arranging and financing the adoption. She weighs the advantages of open versus...
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