After his father suffered a massive stroke and his mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer's, Jim Comer found himself an overnight "parent" at the age of 51. When he walked into his father's hospital room everyone looked to him as the "man who knew all the answers." He soon realized he didn't even know the questions.

In ten years of caregiving, Comer has not only learned the questions he has lived them, and with When Roles Reverse he shares his hard-won answers.

He learned to deal with hospitals, insurance companies, rehab centers, his father's deafness and his mother's dementia. Through it all Jim has kept his sanity and sense of humor, in the process forging a deeper, more intimate relationship with his parents.

With laugh-out-loud humor, Jim deals with improvisational moments for which there is no preparation:

You find three gallons of Scotch in your dad's retirement home closet; Your Mother refuses to leave her home of 34 years and can only be coaxed into the car with promises of ice cream; At a crowded Sunday dinner table, your father announces that he wants you to give him an enema after lunch.... And offers personal experience and expert insight on the many issues it's absolutely essential to plan for such as:

Wills, powers of attorney, and other legal documents every family needs
Which siblings will be there when your parents need them?
Selecting first-rate care facility and getting long-term care insurance
New Medicaid guidelines and how to qualify
Hospice care and end-of-life decisions

When Roles Reverse even includes "Fifty Questions that will save you Time, Money, and Tears," a special section designed to help families initiate vital communication and prepare for the crises, confusion and unexpected joys of caregiving.

CUSTOMER REVIEWS (Average Customer Rating: 5.0 based on 16 reviews)

Makes a Great Gife by William Gardner (Austin, TX USA)

5 Stars
May 22, 2009
My parents died more than 40 years ago so this isn't a book that should appeal to me but Jim is a friend of mine; so I assumed because he is such an engaging story teller that the book would be a good read. It is! I couldn't put it down even though I had heard several of the stories before as he was living them! I admit that I mostly skimmed through the resource materials but then I found myself in conversations with friends telling similar stories about their aging parent and I would say, "Well you know, Jim Comer says in his book..." You get the picture. Now I just buy copies for friends and relatives - everyone of them has thanked me later. If you are dealing with elderly parent issues buy the book and read it, if you're not then buy the book and give it to someone who is!

Excellent resource by Public Librarian (Baltimore)

5 Stars
March 13, 2009
I read this book when I was dealing with my mother's many problems. The book was a tremendous help. The author had good suggestions for people who don't live in the same city as their parents. So I followed his suggestion and hired a social worker/senior care consultant to check in on my mom, make sure she kept her doctors' appoinments and to sort out her medication. I had never heard of this type of service and it turned out to be a huge help. So I'm thankful to the author for this and for sharing his memoirs about his parents. I enjoyed reading about how he cared for his parents, especially when they lived in two different sections of the same building. Some of it was amusing, like the time they couldn't find his mom anywhere and they found her in the least likely place imaginable. If you want to know where, you'll have to read the book to find out!

Great book. by SusieL (AZ)

4 Stars
November 20, 2008
I've had this book for over a year now & think it's very valuable. The book contains information that is good on an emotional level as well as a pragmatic level. Jim Comer's writing style is very enjoyable. The only reason I didn't give it five stars is that the book, while practical & enjoyable, was a bit depressing to me. I did get his DVD & that imparts the non-tech information in a more palatable way (for me) due to Jim's delivery. What I mean about non-tech info is that the DVD (which I have on my iPod & watch every few months or so) is his telling "you" to not correct them, enter their world, don't interrupt them if they are telling you the same thing for the gazillionth time, etc. I often mentally go through this list on my way to my mother's house.

IMO, the book & the DVD very much supplement each other since the book lists details about elder care lawyers & details about what you need to have covered & the DVD deals more with the dealings of day to day life.

Parents need this book, too by Jean W. Allen (North Carolina)

5 Stars
October 07, 2007
While this book is written from the viewpoint of the child, it is vitally important for parents to read it as well. My husband and I began years ago to accumulate the kind of documents we need, but after reading the book I know that we have much more to do. At our church we have a "Keeping On" group for older people who are concerned about their futures. One of our members suggested that it would be a good idea to send each of our children a copy of this book. I resisted the notion, thinking that they would take the gesture as a plea for help and a sign that we were about to become a burden to them. Having read the book, I have changed my mind. I'm going to send each of the children a copy of the questionnaire in the middle of the book, filled out with all the information we have accumulated so far and will invite their input. Whether or not I will send copies of the book later is not certain at this point, but it's certainly an option.

An Important Book For Everyone by Thom Singer (Austin, TX USA)

5 Stars
May 20, 2007
Jim Comer has written one of the most important books of our time. As the baby boomers approached middle age, they have found the unexpected need to care for their own parents who are at the end of life's journey. In our society nobody like to face this issues of disease and death that comes with old age, but they are a fact of life. To ignore the problems of the elderly does not make them go away.

For families, ignoring what the future holds for parents and grandparents can bring with it pain, financial loss, and countless legal and medical problems. The only way to successfully manage these issues is to talk about them early. Open and honest discussions will prevent nightmare situations as relatives face the touch decisions down the line.

If you know anyone who is aging, this book is a must read.

SIMILAR PRODUCTS

	Coping With Your Difficult Older Parent : A Guide for Stressed-Out Children by Grace Lebow (Author), Barbara Kane (Author), Irwin Lebow (Contributor) Do You Have An Aging Parent Who -- Blames you for everything that goes wrong?Cannot tolerate being alone, wants you all the time?Is obsessed with health problems, real, or imagined?Make unreasonable and/or irrational demands of you?Is hostile, negative and critical? Coping with these traits in parents is an endless high-stress battle for their children. Though there's no medical defination for "difficult" parents, you know when you have one. While it's rare for adults to change...
	The Caregiver's Survival Handbook: How to Care for Your Aging Parent Without Losing Yourself by Alexis Abramson (Author) One in four families in the U.S. is caring for parents or other senior relatives-and 72% of the primary caregivers in these families are women. This book is written for those 16 million women who are part of the "sandwich generation"-caught between the needs of their elderly relatives and their young families. These women often feel invisible, their own needs unobserved and unappreciated by those around them. The Caregiver's Survival Handbook not only offers practical caregiving...
	The Complete Eldercare Planner, Second Edition: Where to Start, Which Questions to Ask, and How to Find Help by Joy Loverde (Author) "Am I doing the right thing?" "I work full-time -- how can I be in two places at once?" "Who's going to pay for Mom's home care?" "How do I bring up sensitive subjects like their money, moving, and not driving?" "Do we need long-term-care insurance?" "Wait! Do I really want Dad to move in?" "Where do my parents keep their legal documents?" "Do they have a will?" Caring for elderly loved ones can be a full-time job--on top of regular work and family responsibilities. How can you cope? The...
	Elder Rage, or Take My Father... Please!: How to Survive Caring for Aging Parents by Jacqueline Marcell (Author), Dementia Specialist Dr. Rodman Shankle (Afterword) A riveting, often humorous, non-fiction novel that chronicles Jacqueline Marcell's trials and tribulations, and eventual success at managing the care of her aging parents. Elder Rage is also an extensive self-help book with solutions for effective management, medically and behaviorally, of challenging elders who resist care. Includes answers to difficult "how to" questions like: getting obstinate elders to give up driving, accept a caregiver, see a different doctor, go to adult day care,...
	How to Care for Aging Parents (Morris, How to Care for Aging) by Virginia Morris (Author), Robert M. Butler (Author) The best and bestselling book of its kind. Originally published in 1995, How to Care for Aging Parents, with 220,000 copies in print, won a Books for a Better Life Award and was praised as "an indispensable book" (AARP) and "a compassionate guide of encyclopedic proportion" (The Washington Post). It also catapulted its author, Virginia Morris, to national prominence as a recognized eldercare authority on Oprah, Good Morning America, CNN, CBS, and other media. Nine years later, and the...