| View Larger Image | Doing the Right Thing: Taking Care of Your Elderly Parents, Even If They Didn't Take Care of You | Paperbackby Roberta Satow Ph.D. (Author)
| List Price: | $14.95 | | Price: | $8.18 | | You Save: | $6.77 (45%) | | | Available: | Usually ships in 24 hours |
| | Binding: | Paperback | | Publisher: | Tarcher | | Page Count: | 288 Pages | | Publication Date: | March 16, 2006 | | Sales Rank: | 912,823th |
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ACCESSORIES |
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EDITORIAL REVIEWS |
Product Description
Now in paperback, one of the first books to help navigate the profound emotional challenges of caring for elderly parents in a strained parent-child relationship. |
CUSTOMER REVIEWS (Average Customer Rating: 5.0 based on 9 reviews)
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Taking Care of Your Parents Can Be Rewarding by Joyce Lynne  5 Stars
November 04, 2007
Doing the Right Thing is written for children taking care of their elderly parents. The book is well written and emphasizes the need for setting limits in taking on this difficult task. Specifically, Roberta Satow speaks of reaching a balance for children who have had distant, difficult relationships with their parents in the past. She emphasizes having boundaries and taking care of one's self in order to deal with the issues that inevitably come up at this time. As a daughter taking care of my mildly demented mother, I found this book helpful in validating the positive things that can come out of this new chapter in my life. Feelings from the past can be resolved and a new, positive bond can be formed with your parent. I highly recommend this book to any child taking care of an elderly relative and for children who are experiencing guilt over the resurfacing of old feelings at a time when our parents need us most.
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A MUST READ BOOK FOR EVERY HUMAN BEING by Edward Skonieczny (Massena , NY USA) 5 Stars
May 07, 2006
This is it folks! Probably one of the most important books I have ever read. It took me, as the reader, full circle from my childhood all the way through to my current relationship with my aging parents, in a matter of hours. I could not and would not put this book down. It wouldn't let me. Never have I read anything on the issue of children dealing with their aging parents that has so thoroughly covered every human emotion. It is gut-wrenching and inspiring at the same time. Kudos to Roberta Satow for having the desire and the ability to write about a topic that is so controversial and so very necessary. This book pushed all of my buttons and made me rethink every aspect of my relationship with my parents and my own children. This subject cannot be talked about or written about enough. I took on every role while engrossed in this book. I was child, sibling, parent and aging parent all at the same time. I was hit emotionally from every angle. When the book was finished I was literally angry that there weren't more pages. I can't stop thinking about or talking about this book. Now that is the sign of a great book! Please tell me there will be more where this came from!
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Alot of empathy, no concrete solutions by Pamela (SLC, UT)  4 Stars
January 31, 2006
The interviews in this book were very enlightening, giving me some new insights into the situations that I, and apparently many others, are going through with aging parents. I did sympathise with many of the adults, and I guess the only shortcoming of the book was that I expected it to provide me with solutions. I realize that may be impossible to receive from a book, but I do think I gained a lot by the empathy I felt to others who deal with the same insolvable and sometimes intolerable situations. I would recommmend this book to those just beginning to feel the pull to help their parents so that some strategies may be of help in the earliest stages before patterns are set.
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Right On. by Brenda (Canada) 5 Stars
October 05, 2005
The introduction to this book left me breathless - the author could have been looking over my shoulder at my own interaction with my mother, and dealing with the welter of emotions that come out of that relationship. I very much appreciate the author's disclosure of her own situation - I think this gives an immediacy that the reader can relate with. Anyone in a care-giving situation with their parents' should read this book, no matter what their relationship with their parents was like. I plan to recommend it to everyone I know, because they will need this kind of information sooner or later.
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Deserves a lot more attention by Dr Cathy Goodwin (Seattle, WA USA) 5 Stars
September 17, 2005
After picking up this book in a library, I was surprised to learn how low it is ranked on this list. Although I do not have personal need of the book (my parents are dead), many of my contemporaries are or were caregivers. This book helped me understand them. Among my aquaintances, nearly every primary caregiver is on antidepressants. With little time for exercise or self-care they have health and weight problems. And the primary caregiver often is not the favorite child. As Pipher says, he or she may be an estranged child seeking a last chance to work out "unresolved issues," in the language of therapy.
The book's title can be misleading. Satow does not limit her topic to children who resent their parents. She provides several examples of selfless caregivers who love their parents and care for them willingly. Often they're repaying an emotional debt or following a culture they embrace.
Given the heavy subject matter, author Satow couldn't take on the usual upbeat, cheery tone of most self-help books. In fact, reading the book can be exhausting. I am reminded of Mary Pipher's book, Another Country: relentless examples of frustration with no end in sight.
Compared to Pipher, Satow comes across more as a hands-on therapist and teacher. And she's the kind of therapist who holds firm to mainstream beliefs (e.g., we never lose ties to our parents) and offers, by way of encouragement, a simple, "That's difficult."
Like Pipher, Satow's message is one of acceptance. At some point in life, there's little to anticipate. And contemporary American society lacks an infrastructure to provide support.
The book would be stronger if the author had stepped back for a broader perspective. Many caregivers sacrificed their own lives, so who will care for them as they age? How will the single or childless elderly fend for themselves?
And some relationships seem so broken or distant that one or more children could move to the opposite end of the world, guilt-free. Remember the Sopranos episode where Tony's mother dies? Carmela, Tony's wife, says, "Who are we kidding? She was awful." A funeral director told me he's experienced this reaction first-hand - more than once.
The biggest omission in Satow's book relates to money. In her last chapter, Satow makes some recommendations for caregivers. She includes a list of questions, encouraging caregivers to assess whether they're experiencing illness, taking out their frustrations on their own children or giving up a social life altogether.
But Satow totally ignores the financial effects of caregiving. When the parent dies, the child who gave up career options now has to move forward, battling age discrimination and a resume gap. Sometimes parents never get around to updating a will. Some die intestate. The inheritance gets divided evenly among three, four or five children, who rarely are motivated to reward the primary caregiver. And the primary caregiver's career can suffer or even disappear.
Still, I'd recommend this book to anyone who's caring for an elderly parent. But I suspect caregivers have little time to read. Ultimately, this book will help the rest of us try to understand a little more.
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