| View Larger Image | Help Me Live: 20 Things People with Cancer Want You to Know | Paperbackby Lori Hope (Author)
| List Price: | $15.99 | | Price: | $10.87 | | You Save: | $5.12 (32%) | | | Available: | Usually ships in 24 hours |
| | Binding: | Paperback | | Publisher: | Celestial Arts | | Edition: | 1st Edition | | Page Count: | 272 Pages | | Publication Date: | May 01, 2005 | | Sales Rank: | 75,542th |
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FEATURES | - ISBN13: 9781587612121
- Condition: NEW
- Notes: Brand New from Publisher. No Remainder Mark.
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EDITORIAL REVIEWS |
Product Description
When we hear that someone close to us has been diagnosed with cancer, we want nothing more than to comfort them with words of hope, support, and love. But sometimes we don’t know what to say or do, and don’t feel comfortable asking. With sensitive insights and thoughtful anecdotes, HELP ME LIVE provides a personal yet thoroughly researched account of words and actions that are most helpful. Based on the author’s own experiences with cancer, as well as interviews and surveys with many others who have had this disease, each chapter tells intimate stories about one of the 20 most important messages people with cancer want to convey, such as "I need to forget—and laugh," "Asking my permission can spare me pain," "I want you to understand if I don’t call you back or see you," and "I want compassion, not pity; comfort, not advice." You’ll learn that communicating effectively doesn’t necessarily mean there’s a "right thing" to say or do, but that you can achieve the desired result: to make those who are ill feel better. In candid and beautifully detailed prose, HELP ME LIVE will help you find the words or gestures to show how much you care. |
CUSTOMER REVIEWS (Average Customer Rating: 5.0 based on 23 reviews)
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Reachign Out WIth Grace and Sensitivity by Janet M. Rhodes (Walnut Creek, CA)  5 Stars
July 26, 2009
In Help Me Live, Lori Hope offers a unique perspective on surviving cancer. As she shares 20 things people with cancer want you to know, she creates a bridge of understanding between cancer patients and their friends, families, neighbors, and co-workers. Anyone who has cancer and anyone who knows someone with cancer can benefit from reading this book.
When a member of my writers' group was diagnosed with cancer, I followed the advice Lori shared in her book. We can become so afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing that we often avoid someone who is ill, which is the worst thing of all. Reaching out is always the right thing to do.
And as Lori shares the anecdotes of cancer survivors, including many faux pas; she guides her readers on how to reach out with grace and sensitivity. She writes vividly and honestly. In her book, I found humor, gratitude, and wisdom.
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Please read this book! by Amber Garcia (Grand Rapids, MI) 5 Stars
April 08, 2009
My husband was diagnosed with Hodgkins Lymphoma a few months before our wedding and I could not believe the things people said to us. "Are you still going to get married? You know, you might want to postpone the wedding. I could never handle the pressure of chemo and a wedding! Are you sure you are making the right decision?" All we wanted from people was support and understanding as we tried to forge through this new terrority and we were constantly faced with doubt from family and friends. This book was a lifesaver for our relationship with each other and our families. I think that everybody should read this book! We can never fully understand what our loved ones are feeling and like the book says, sometimes the best thing to do is to just stand there and listen and suppress the urge the offer "well meaning" advice.
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Affirming and Educational/Clues for Those Without by George Lee (NC) 5 Stars
January 12, 2009
I am a clinical oncology massage therapist in a cancer center, but more importantly, I was caregiver to my first wife, whom I lost to breast cancer many years ago. The journey of survivorship can be a lonely and isolating for many reasons, not the least of which is the inability of others to understand, through no fault of their own. Unless one has been through the trauma of a life theatening illness, there is not a frame of reference one can relate to. It is beyond comprehension. A common thought expressed when I relate to survivors is that others "Don't get it." and that you don't have the energy or time to explain it to them. This book, "Help Me Live" helps to accomplish this burdensome task. It provides insight into the frightful, confusing, exhausting journey of survivorship. It gives others a "clue".
I was somewhat amused at a reviewers comments about contradictory ideas in the book. Exactly! Welcome to the world of survivorship. This can be different people with different responses or it can be one person on a different day. It can change that quickly. This is part of what's "normal" now. I use this book in my training of other massage therapist who have chosen to work with cancer patients and recommend it to all caregivers who will be working with cancer patients. I also recommed it to survivors as an affirmation of their personal experiences. All too often survivors internalize their feelings thinking the fear, the confusion, the turmoil is some sort of personal issue or failure, especially since many they try to share it with don't understand. Many find solace in recognition that they are not alone in their thoughts and feelings. I have them read it first then hand it to a caregiver so they might learn.
I believe in this book. It's a wonderful work and thank you Lori for putting it together.
BTW- A survivor is defined as anyone from the first day of diagnosis.
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great news for cancer friends by John Hill 5 Stars
September 20, 2008
Ms. Hope has scored a direct hit with what a cancer survivor wants you to know. She has a unique talent to see things from a different perspective. As she is herself a cancer survivor she uses humor and anecdotes to say what needs to said
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Much More Than 20 Things... by Thomas M. Loarie (Danville, CA USA) 5 Stars
March 29, 2008
"20 Things People with Cancer Want You to Know" is about communicating with people with cancer. Those who are healthy must learn how to take the lead when interacting with those who have or have had cancer. Author Lori Hope knows it is impossible to empathize with cancer patients and survivors when you have not had it yourself. It is her hope that this book will serve as food for thought, providing stories and examples of words and deeds that have helped and also those which have harmed. Topics include "I need to feel hope" to "My moods change day to day; please forgive me if I snap at you."
Author Hope understood cancer with years as a medical reporter, documentary producer, and caregiver. With this background, she came to understand the importance of how to ask questions. She has used this skill in creating "20 Things" with interviews with patients, caregivers, psychotherapists, counselors, social workers, researchers and doctors.
More importantly, the book is laced with her own experience, having been diagnosed and treated for lung cancer. "Though I knew my friends and family wanted to help - and most did - some unwittingly said and did things that did not make me feel better."
This highly readable book is descriptive not prescriptive. The author wanted to avoid prescribing specific words or behaviors as patients react individually, but rather, to open a world of possibilities, giving us pause for thought. "I want to describe what helps and hurts without making friends and loved ones feel guilty about things they may have said or done in the past, and without prescribing exact words or actions for the future."
Besides the "20 Things," the author's afterword is filled with extensive information geared to specific issues: stage of treatment - from diagnosis to after treatment; various cancer types; the workplace; depression: gender and age; end of life issues; and "people of faith."
Other sections at the end include:
* To doctors and health providers
* An additional list of 21 more things to know
* 16 fabulous things people did and said to cancer patients
* 12 outrageous or awful things said to people with cancer
* 26 common phrases or words that sting
* 22 things most people with cancer like and want to hear
While this book was written to help us communicate with those facing cancer, I found this book to be a useful reminder for all communications since it is a guide on how to communicate more clearly, respectfully, and lovingly.
Listen, listen and listen. By watching and listening, one can learn what a person really wants and needs. "That's what the book is about. All want to be cared for and to feel understood and respected."
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