 |
|
Making connections the key to overcoming shame
September 09, 2009It would be difficult to find someone who has never felt shame in their life.
Shame is a common reaction when someone feels that they have fallen below social norms or their own standards. From being intoxicated in front of one's peers and superiors to failing an important test at school or being rejected at the school dance, shame can be an internal alarm that ensures that we know when we are at risk of finding ourselves outside the lines of societal acceptance and desirability.
University of Alberta researcher Jessica Van Vliet's study, published in the British Psychological Society journal, Psychology and Psychotherapy: Theory, Research, and Practice, indicates that, while it may seem difficult when one is stuck in shame, there is hope for moving beyond this painful emotion.
"Shame can prompt us to make changes that will help protect our relationships and also preserve the fabric of society. It's important to emphasize that shame is essential and has value," said Van Vliet. "The problem is when people get paralyzed with shame and withdraw from others. Not only can this create mental-health problems for people, but also they no longer contribute as fully to society."
Van Vliet's research shows that people who feel debilitated by shame tend to internalize and over-personalize the situation. They also seem resigned to being unable to change their feelings or their fate.
"When people experience shame, they may say to themselves 'I'm to blame, it's all my fault, all of me is bad, and there's nothing I can do to change the situation,'" said Van Vliet. "They identify so much with shame that it takes over their entire view of themselves. That leads to an overwhelming feeling of powerlessness."
Van Vliet notes that one of the key components to overcoming these feelings is to step back from the problem and view the picture in a different light. When sufferers can identify external factors that contributed to their actions or situation (for example, discrimination or peer pressure) and differentiate between being a bad person versus doing something bad, they can begin to break the grip of hopelessness that plagues them.
"When people move from a sense of uncontrollability to the belief that maybe there's something they can do about their situation, such as apologizing or making amends for their actions, it starts increasing a sense of hope for the future," she said.
Van Vliet found that one of the key steps to overcoming a profound sense of shame is making connections, be it with family and friends, a higher power, or humanity as a whole. While it is one of several aspects of moving forward, Van Vliet notes that the step can often blend or lead into others.
"Connecting to others helps to increase self-acceptance, and with self-acceptance can come a greater acceptance of other people as well," said Van Vliet. "People start to realize that it's not just them. Other people do things that are as bad or even worse sometimes so they're not the worst person on the planet. They start to say to themselves, 'This is human, I am human, others are human.'"
University of Alberta
"Shame can prompt us to make changes that will help protect our relationships and also preserve the fabric of society. It's important to emphasize that shame is essential and has value," said Van Vliet. "The problem is when people get paralyzed with shame and withdraw from others. Not only can this create mental-health problems for people, but also they no longer contribute as fully to society."
Van Vliet's research shows that people who feel debilitated by shame tend to internalize and over-personalize the situation. They also seem resigned to being unable to change their feelings or their fate.
"When people experience shame, they may say to themselves 'I'm to blame, it's all my fault, all of me is bad, and there's nothing I can do to change the situation,'" said Van Vliet. "They identify so much with shame that it takes over their entire view of themselves. That leads to an overwhelming feeling of powerlessness."
Van Vliet notes that one of the key components to overcoming these feelings is to step back from the problem and view the picture in a different light. When sufferers can identify external factors that contributed to their actions or situation (for example, discrimination or peer pressure) and differentiate between being a bad person versus doing something bad, they can begin to break the grip of hopelessness that plagues them.
"When people move from a sense of uncontrollability to the belief that maybe there's something they can do about their situation, such as apologizing or making amends for their actions, it starts increasing a sense of hope for the future," she said.
Van Vliet found that one of the key steps to overcoming a profound sense of shame is making connections, be it with family and friends, a higher power, or humanity as a whole. While it is one of several aspects of moving forward, Van Vliet notes that the step can often blend or lead into others.
"Connecting to others helps to increase self-acceptance, and with self-acceptance can come a greater acceptance of other people as well," said Van Vliet. "People start to realize that it's not just them. Other people do things that are as bad or even worse sometimes so they're not the worst person on the planet. They start to say to themselves, 'This is human, I am human, others are human.'"
University of Alberta
Shame Current Events and Shame News RSSPeer pressure builds more latrines than financial assistance
Government subsidies persuade some people to change habits, but social shame works even better, suggests a recent study of efforts to reduce elevated childhood death and disease rates blamed on the microbial pathogens that cause diarrhea in rural India.
Physician-assisted suicide does not increase severity of depression, grief among family members
Unlike other forms of suicide, physician assisted death does not cause substantial regret, or a sense of rejection among surviving family members.
Religious devotion does not impact abortion decisions of young unwed women
Unwed pregnant teens and twenty-somethings who attend or have graduated from private religious schools are more likely to obtain abortions than their peers from public schools.
Decoding Funny Faces to Detect Disease
Like Russell Crowe's character in A Beautiful Mind, life is often difficult for the 2.4 million Americans with schizophrenia. A late or incorrect diagnosis and the lack of effective treatment options can destroy a sufferer's quality of life.
Shame on us: Shaming some kids makes them more aggressive
Aren't you ashamed of yourself? All these years, you've been trying to build up your child's self-esteem, and now a growing body of research suggests you may be making a big mistake.
A catalyst for families: Experts comment on importance of Christmas dinner
The menu might be different and families might be smaller, but Christmas remains among the most important holidays. "It is sacred," says Université de Montréal Psychologist Luc Brunet. "It's part of our culture to come together to laugh and eat in a festive setting."
Study offers new insights into teenagers and anxiety disorders
Can scientists predict who will develop anxiety disorders years in advance? UCLA psychology professor Michelle Craske thinks so. She is four years into an eight-year study evaluating 650 students, who were 16 when the study began, to identify risk factors for the development of anxiety and depression - the most comprehensive study of its kind.
Americans spending, gambling, saving
For some, spending in today's tumultuous economy is not a problem, especially for those who don't care what everyone else has. But for others, casino splurges, not saving enough or buying the latest iPhone on impulse can lead to emotional turmoil or financial troubles, according to several new studies on consumer behavior.
UBC study of Olympic athletes shows that pride and shame are universal and innate expressions
The victory stance of a gold medalist and the slumped shoulders of a non-finalist are innate and biological rather than learned responses to success and failure, according to a University of British Columbia study using cross-cultural data gathered at the 2004 Olympic and Paralympic Games.
Creativity essential for climate targets -- existing -- housing
It is a great shame that the most creative professional group in the building trade, the architects, rarely apply themselves to existing housing. A large proportion of the Netherlands' climate targets will after all have to be achieved within existing housing.
More Shame Current Events and Shame News Articles
 |
Healing the Shame that Binds You (Recovery Classics) by John Bradshaw (Author) This classic book, written 17 years ago but still selling more than 13,000 copies every year, has been completely updated and expanded by the author. "I used to drink," writes John Bradshaw,"to solve the problems caused by drinking. The more I drank to relieve my shame-based loneliness and hurt, the more I felt ashamed." Shame is the motivator behind our toxic behaviors: the compulsion, co-dependency, addiction and drive to superachieve that breaks down the family and destroys personal lives. This book has helped millions identify their personal shame, understand the underlying reasons for it, address these root causes and release themselves from the shame that binds them to their past failures. |
 |
Letting Go of Shame: Understanding How Shame Affects Your Life by Ronald Potter-Efron (Author), Patricia Potter-Efron (Author) Letting Go of Shame explains what shame is and how it can negativeley impact self-image. Exercises and a personalized action plan help readers identify their feelings of shame and build their self-seteem |
 |
Shame: A Novel by Salman Rushdie (Author) The novel that set the stage for his modern classic, The Satanic Verses, Shame is Salman Rushdie’s phantasmagoric epic of an unnamed country that is “not quite Pakistan.” In this dazzling tale of an ongoing duel between the families of two men–one a celebrated wager of war, the other a debauched lover of pleasure–Rushdie brilliantly portrays a world caught between honor and humiliation–“shamelessness, shame: the roots of violence.” Shame is an astonishing story that grows more timely by the day. |
 |
Shame and Grace: Healing the Shame We Don't Deserve by Lewis B. Smedes (Author) Reconizing and remedying the underserved shame that burden our spirit and crushes our joy -- from the author of Forgive and Forget. If you persistently feel don't measure up, you are feeling shame -- that "vague",undefined heaviness that presses on our spirit, dampens our gratitude for the goodness of life," and diminishes our joy. The good news is that shame can be healed. With warmth and wit, Lewis B. Smedes examines why and how we feel shamed and presents a profound, spiritual plan for healing. Step by step, Smedes outlines the road to well-being and the peace that comes from knowing we are accepted by "the grace of One whose acceptance of us matters most." |
 |
Shame (Special Edition) Starring: Liv Ullmann, Max von Sydow, Sigge Fürst, Gunnar Björnstrand, Birgitta Valberg Directed By: Ingmar Bergman Also With: Sven Nykvist (Cinematographer), Ingmar Bergman (Writer), Ulla Ryghe (Editor), Lars-Owe Carlberg (Producer) A flawless work (The New Yorker) from Oscar(r) winner* Ingmar Bergman, Shame probes the atrocities of warboth internal and externalas a young couple struggles to survive while the world around them crumbles into chaos. On a remote island far removed from a raging civil war, Jan and Eva (Max von Sydow, Liv Ullmann) retreat to their apolitical fortress: a small vegetable farm. But their serene existence is shattered when soldiers violently invade their home. Now caught in the crosshairs of a brutal and inhuman conflict, Jan and Eva become survivors with only one concernto endure. *1970: Irving G. Thalberg Memorial Award |
 |
Soul without Shame: A Guide to Liberating Yourself from the Judge Within by Byron Brown (Author) Using straightforward language and examples form everyday life, Brown shows readers where the inner judge comes from, how it operates, why it trips us up, why there is a belief people need it, and more. |
 |
Shame (12" Version) Evelyn "Champagne" King (Primary Contributor) |
 |
Shame & Guilt: Masters of Disguise by Jane Middelton-Moz (Author) "It is my feeling that debilitating shame and guilt are at the root of all dysfunctions in families," says Jane Middelton-Moz. A few common characteristics of adults shamed in childhood: You may suffer extreme shyness, embarrassment and feelings of being inferior to others. You don't believe you make mistakes, you believe you are a mistake.You feel controlled from the outside and from within. You feel that normal spontaneous expression is blocked. You may suffer from debilitating guilt; you apologize constantly. You have little sense of emotional boundaries; you feel constantly violated by others; you frequently build false boundaries. If you see yourself in any of these characteristics, you can learn how shame keeps you from being... |
 |
Released from Shame: Moving Beyond the Pain of the Past by Sandra D. Wilson (Author) Do you feelthat your problem is not what you do but who you are?caught in patterns of destructive relationships?that you never get enough affirmation?afraid you'll pass bad patterns along to your children?that God probably loves you less than others?If these questions fit you, you may be experiencing shame. Often shame comes from being raised in a family that has an impaired ability to provide its members with healthy nurturing. As a result, you carry emotional scars into adult life, longing for happiness but feeling unworthy of it.Sandra Wilson knows much about "shame-based" families--both from personal experience and from her years as a family therapist. Drawing from this background, she teaches you biblical principles that have helped her and many others work through painful issues and... |
 |
Shame: The Power of Caring by Gershen Kaufman (Author) |
| © 2009 BrightSurf.com |