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New study debunks Dale Carnegie advice to 'put yourself in their shoes'

June 21, 2018

NEW YORK...June 21, 2018 - Putting yourself in someone else's shoes and relying on intuition or "gut instinct" isn't an accurate way to determine what they're thinking or feeling," say researchers from Ben-Gurion University of the Negev (BGU), the University of Chicago and Northeastern University.

"We incorrectly presume that taking someone else's perspective will help us understand and improve interpersonal relationships," they say in a new study published in the American Psychological Association's Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. "If you want an accurate understanding of what someone is thinking or feeling, don't make assumptions, just ask."

The researchers debunk the theories canonized in Dale Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People that assuming you understand someone else's thoughts, feelings, attitude, or mental state is a correct approach to interpersonal insight.

The study included an exhaustive series of 25 experiments designed to separate accuracy from egotism. The researchers asked participants to adopt another person's perspective and predict their emotions based on facial expressions and body postures, identify fake versus genuine smiles, spot when someone is lying or telling the truth, and even predict a spouse's activity preferences and consumer attitudes.

"Initially a large majority of participants believed that taking someone else's perspective would help them achieve more accurate interpersonal insight," the researchers said. "However, test results showed that their predictive assumptions were not generally accurate, although it did make them feel more confident about their judgement and reduced egocentric biases."

Ultimately, the researchers confirmed gaining perspective directly through conversation is the most accurate approach.
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The research team included Dr. Eyal Tal, a member of BGU's Department of Psychology; Prof. Nicholas Epley, the Booth School of Business at the University of Chicago, and Prof. Mary Steffel, who is a member of the D'Amore-McKim School of Business at Northeastern University.

About American Associates, Ben-Gurion University of the Negev American Associates, Ben-Gurion University of the Negev (AABGU) plays a vital role in sustaining David Ben-Gurion's vision: creating a world-class institution of education and research in the Israeli desert, nurturing the Negev community and sharing the University's expertise locally and around the globe. As Ben-Gurion University of the Negev (BGU) looks ahead to turning 50 in 2020, AABGU imagines a future that goes beyond the walls of academia. It is a future where BGU invents a new world and inspires a vision for a stronger Israel and its next generation of leaders. Together with supporters, AABGU will help the University foster excellence in teaching, research and outreach to the communities of the Negev for the next 50 years and beyond. Visit vision.aabgu.org to learn more.

AABGU, which is headquartered in Manhattan, has nine regional offices throughout the United States. For more information, visit http://www.aabgu.org.

American Associates, Ben-Gurion University of the Negev

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